CNN HEROE S

I was watching the CNN Heroes night ,last week, and was truly amazed at all the wonderful things ordinary people do for one another. It was extremely moving and brought tears to my eyes. It made me ask myself, how come I dont do more. I told my husband I felt pretty useless, after watching these people.

I really began to wonder how do they come up with the resources to start these projects. These projects ranged from building schools in remote poor areas, to a library which ran off a donkey cart ,in Ethiopia, and donating time to help amputees ,for free, in Mexico.

I have always said that one day I would like to do a mission somewhere, really help a community, in need. I would love to take the whole family , so everyone could help, and they could learn about how others live. Hopefully realizing how lucky we are.

Thank goodness there are people who truly care for others, for what would our world be like without them.....

Something a friend of mine said to me, after I was feeling useless. She said you dont have to go around the world , to find people in need, they are in your own community. It was a great statement, because no matter how big or small the help is that you give, it all matters....so I guess that is a starting point for me.. and maybe for you too.....

Somedays there just is too much to take!

Today is just that day. After coming home from the gym, I just wanted to throw my hands up and walk back out of this house. I just do not get it. Why the kids can not seems to pick up anything!!! It is not for lack of trying to get them to do this, but I am running out of energy to get angry. It doesnt work anyway. I swear it took me 1 hour just to pick up things, before I actually started cleaning.

I am not even done, but I needed a break before i started to throw stuff! It just seems like there is always so much house work, and just when I am done for one day, then the next day comes and I have to start all over again.

I really think this is why on Fridays I have wine! It is a small bit of solice that I look forward to.

Now as I finish writing this I still need to finish the laundry, get kids and off to 2 different hockey activities. Then try to get something healthy for supper... Then off to help my sister out... taking her boy to his soccer.

IS it friday somewhere????

Today I just feel lucky...

Why? Well it is because I truly have a great husband. Without going on and on, lets just say , I have one of the nice guys, that people say do not exist. I probably do not even deserve him,,,,,,, but he is here and I am LUCKY!!!!! Thanks Mike for all you do and all you put up with,,,,,,,, I am not sure what I would do without you.....

karma..do you believe in it?

(Karma ----the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.-----action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation)

I have been thinking alot about why things happen to people good or bad, especially when the 'thing' you did is something you can control. Will the bad things really come back to haunt you? What if you are truly remorseful, does Karma still come into play? What about all the good deeds people do, does karma work for them too?

I am not losing sleep over all my bad deeds(lol) or wanting some recognition for the good ones( i have some of those too)... just really wondering about it all.......

Just empty..cant find inspiration

Just cant seem to find any inspiration these days, to write anything worth while. The stress of the past few weeks? Maybe.... not sure....

UGH,, I just wanna sleep!

I am just tired and want to stay in bed!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SEVEN YEAR OLD!!!

Hard to believe Evan is 7!!! Evan is such a great kid, he brings to the family lots of love and spirit! Yes sometimes it can be too much to take, but I really think my life is so much more rich because of him. He always is there with a smile and a hug. I love you so much Evan!! Happy Birthday!

more fooling around

I sure need help...i hope i can get into a class soon.......

Just fooling around...

feelings for a Tuesday

I am thinking..why am I writing today? My answer is stress and confusement. Sometimes I just do not understand people. I can try and try but there are certain times I just dont get it. This is one of those times. So after a weekend of not sleeping and feeling very stressed out I have decided, that there are things, I can not control and I need to let it go. Even if my heart aches and my mind thinks it is right. I have to let it go.

So today I ponder and write. about the fragility of our lives. How we really need to embrace each day ,,,try to make it a great day..not just a good day.. Now that is hard to do ,,I know.. because I am an emotionally driven person. My mood can change faster than the wind.

Today I have decided to get back into teaching, just as a substitute teacher. I will probably be working by next week.

I have mixed feelings about this decision I have made. I am scared. I am scared of giving up my free time, ( i know selfish) ..I am scared that my house will become a pit... I am scared I will be bitchy.. I am scared that i wont be the one who is available to the people who need me,, at the drop of a dime....

but,,, I am also excited about using my education again... About being around other working adults. I am excted about helping kids and maybe being a postive influence,, even just to one child,, I am excited to make some money.. my money!!

So time will tell...... I hope this is a good decision.......

What a beautiful day!

It's Indian Summer! What a week we are having. Its above 20 all week , yesterday was 25! I really love Indian summer, it just puts you in a good mood. This morning I got up at 5:30 and went for a walk. The air was crisp but not in a way that made you cold. I walked until 7:30 am and watched the sun coming up. Such a simple thing, like a sunrise can really set the tone for the day.

I will enjoy the weather today and all week...because this will end and the winter will creep in and my mood will shift. SO ENJOY TODAY!!!!!

He seems to be gone

Orby, that is. We had frost last night and today I can't find him. His web is not redone either and I dont see an egg sac........ who knows..... bye bye Orby

This is our resident spider ORBY

This is ORBY... He is a Jewel Spider ,,,We had a bit of infestation of these last year and this year we had quite a few too. When we would see one we would kill them.... But for some reason I couldnt kill this one. He has been on our deck for about 1 month. He is actually kind of pretty an orange rusty color. The others are more whitish in color. Makes me think he is a male. Anyway we have watched him eat flies etc. He would come out at night, hide in the day. Yesterday I went to check on him, (I know wierd.) And his web was broken and I couldnt find him.. But just a few minutes ago I found him tucked under the lip of the roof. I am wondering why his web is broken and if he is done with his circle of life....... I will keep watching...

Just some pics I took,,,,,

Fishing With hubby

Today Mike and I went Fishing on the Red Deer River. It was a beautiful day and we found a nice spot. First cast I caught a Brown trout, which apparently are hard to catch here. I think it was about 3 pounds. Mike caught 3 gold eye.. It was such a fun afternoon so peaceful I cant wait to do it again!

Ever Wonder

Why some people make such a difference in other people's lives?

Today I was watching Good Morning America and there was an 12 year old boy, who was amazing. He really loved trains and saved pop can money so his whole class could have a ride on an old train. He raised more money on his own and more children were able to take this special train ride, that otherwise they could not afford. However, children with disabilities were not able to take the train ride, because it was built in the early days, and was not equipped for wheel chairs ,etc,,, So he was on a mission to raise money ,through his web page , to change that. His Mom was so touched, that she began to write to Ty (the extreme make over team) and now they are going to make the train accessible for people with disabilities. There was a Mom with twin boys, who both are in wheel chairs, and

she expressed how touched she was by this 12 year old boys efforts.

I watched this and shed a few tears, of joy and admiration.. and I was left wondering why is it that some people are so great, and why like me, I have done nothing of the sort........ I suppose it just takes action, like this boy.. Really made me think today what more can I do for others?

The Guilt trip worked.... coffee at Moms

Last night I was chatting with my Mom, and she said that "you know I live really close to you maybe you can stop by sometime."

I talk to my mom nearly everyday and do more with my mom than most...but every once and awhile she will make me feel guilty about doing more ...

So after the gym I called and said,"Mom I am on the way over."

She wasnt even dressed yet.

It was a great visit I stayed for nearly 4 hours. My Mom is super easy to talk too, she likes to tell stories and loves to add her 2 cents. I am really glad I went over .I am so lucky to have my Mom, she has love for everyone. I forget that sometimes, and maybe I take it for granted.

I will have to remember that and do it more often...... Its good to be me today.. really good...... Thanks Mom!!!

14 years today...

Today is 14 years of marriage for me....and I wish that it felt really special... but it actually just feels like any other day. Nothing great just a Wednesday .... It has been a pretty good 14 years, filled with great ups and of course downs. We are still here holding on...maybe for 14more....I am lucky to have this man as my husband and do love him so.... Happy Anniversary....

I found this poem I gave Mike on our second anniversary...

Sometimes

your nearness

takes my breath away

And all the things

I want to say

can find no voice.

Then,in silence,

I can only hope

my eyes

will speak

my heart.

Before I am 40.....

Before I am 40,

I need to not stray,

Before I am 40,

I hope I find my way.

Before I am 40,

Feel the inner peace.

Before I am 40,

Have a restful sleep.

Before I am 40,

Do something right,

Before I am 40,

Help another fight.

Before I am 40,

See the pride in your eyes,

Before I am 40,

Know that I truly tried.

Before I am 40,

Reflect the image I seek,

Before I am 40,

My heart I hope to keep.

Two very unique dogs....

This dog is a purebred Newfoundland Labrador. I saw this dog sitting outside a glass shop Invermere BC. A very friendly dog!! Huge too!!

This is an English Mastiff. He weighs 210 his name is Major... we calledhim Musaffa... He belongs to a family who runs the Bentley General store and he just sits lays and they have to work around him.. he is a real gentle giant....

Summer is nearly done ....

Summer 2008, was a really great summer!! The kids had a lot of fun and so did I!! They seemed to enjoy the camping, and boating and all the golfing they did!!

Good bye summer 2008--hello fall!!!

Eerily Quiet

Noone is here. Justin is cleaning my truck, which will soon be his. The twins are at the golf course again,and Evan is playing at a friends house. It is so quiet in here I can hear the fridge going, and the air blowing through the vents. I always say I want these kinds of days, but I actually don't think I would like being alone for a very long time.

Justin came in on the greyhound last night, and yes he was intact( not funny but after the episode last week I was nervous). When I got ready to pick him up, all three boys wanted to come. I think they miss their big brother more than they let on. So today it was great to have lunch all together. Just me and my four boys. It was a great lunch, everyone was laughing and getting along. Even Evan was super well behaved.

Makes me wonder when they are all gone from the nest, how I will handle things. I think it is going to be very hard..because if this quiet time I am having now, is any indication. I think I will be lonely.

flowers in my garden

These flowers are like paper
If picked they will rip
Leave them in the garden
To stare at while you sit.......

Its the end of another season,,,,baseball that is,,,

The ball bag will be zipped up;;;until next season..the bats will crack again,,,,,

Congratulations to the twins AA team for winning a silver medal in the provincials!! WAY TO GO!!!

the oldest and the youngest

Just a few snapshots of my oldest and youngest boys,,, They are similar in many ways...lots of energy and stubborn as heck!!!

Home again

Whew its been a busy month. Lots of camping and baseball. Camping was great... Relaxing for the most part, and new memories created. I feel at ease camping, there is not too much to worry about. Only keeping the peace among the kids...No laundry and cleaning. You get up when you want and go to bed when you want. The kids are fancy and free, biking, playing and having smores LOL... I am glad that we have our trailer...... One morebig trip to Idaho next week, and I am looking forward to a new place and new adventures...

One another note baseball is done! It has been a long season , since April... The twins managed to win Silver, for the Alberta Provinicals, not too shabby!!! Now a few weeks off and hockey begins !!! Pictures to come if I ever load the new software for my new camera.....

Peaceful

I came acrross this picture and it just made me stare. It gave me a feeling of peace and calm. I wish I was talented like the artist who created it.. It's just beautiful.

Summer...Family Style

Whew it has been a busy last few weeks here in Red Deer. I have had a lot of family here and we have been busy with all the visiting. It will kind of come to a halt, with the departure of my sister and her 2 girls. Tomorrow they are headed back to Texas. I will miss them dearly..it has been a great July!

I am off to camp for a week and am looking forward to the SUN and the Sea-doo!!! That is if the sun actually stays out for more than 10minutes.... ALberta weather is like this "CUSHIONS OUT------CUSHIONS IN!"

Me... you.... who?

Odd man out,

Never good enough,

Never smart enough,

Belittled.

Dont measure up,

Confidence is deminishing,

Looks failing me,

Nervous.

Afraid to be noticed,

Wanting to be noticed,

Mind is wandering,

Confused.

The black sheep,

Alone in a crowd,

Lonely at home,

Empty.

Searching for answers,

Faith is tested,

Where to turn,

Help.

Tomorrow another day

Happiness shine in,

Hope for something,

Smile.

what is real?

..". to stay, when all you really want is to go far far away....

to cherish memories forever encrusted in your soul....

to build in your mind the picture of what could have been....

to treasure the traces of that single kiss that was never meant to be....

to dream.... to wait.... to hope.

Is it Love?"

(A beautiful poem,,,that I can relate too)