flowers in my garden

These flowers are like paper
If picked they will rip
Leave them in the garden
To stare at while you sit.......

Its the end of another season,,,,baseball that is,,,

The ball bag will be zipped up;;;until next season..the bats will crack again,,,,,

Congratulations to the twins AA team for winning a silver medal in the provincials!! WAY TO GO!!!

the oldest and the youngest

Just a few snapshots of my oldest and youngest boys,,, They are similar in many ways...lots of energy and stubborn as heck!!!

Home again

Whew its been a busy month. Lots of camping and baseball. Camping was great... Relaxing for the most part, and new memories created. I feel at ease camping, there is not too much to worry about. Only keeping the peace among the kids...No laundry and cleaning. You get up when you want and go to bed when you want. The kids are fancy and free, biking, playing and having smores LOL... I am glad that we have our trailer...... One morebig trip to Idaho next week, and I am looking forward to a new place and new adventures...

One another note baseball is done! It has been a long season , since April... The twins managed to win Silver, for the Alberta Provinicals, not too shabby!!! Now a few weeks off and hockey begins !!! Pictures to come if I ever load the new software for my new camera.....

Peaceful

I came acrross this picture and it just made me stare. It gave me a feeling of peace and calm. I wish I was talented like the artist who created it.. It's just beautiful.

Summer...Family Style

Whew it has been a busy last few weeks here in Red Deer. I have had a lot of family here and we have been busy with all the visiting. It will kind of come to a halt, with the departure of my sister and her 2 girls. Tomorrow they are headed back to Texas. I will miss them dearly..it has been a great July!

I am off to camp for a week and am looking forward to the SUN and the Sea-doo!!! That is if the sun actually stays out for more than 10minutes.... ALberta weather is like this "CUSHIONS OUT------CUSHIONS IN!"

Me... you.... who?

Odd man out,

Never good enough,

Never smart enough,

Belittled.

Dont measure up,

Confidence is deminishing,

Looks failing me,

Nervous.

Afraid to be noticed,

Wanting to be noticed,

Mind is wandering,

Confused.

The black sheep,

Alone in a crowd,

Lonely at home,

Empty.

Searching for answers,

Faith is tested,

Where to turn,

Help.

Tomorrow another day

Happiness shine in,

Hope for something,

Smile.

what is real?

..". to stay, when all you really want is to go far far away....

to cherish memories forever encrusted in your soul....

to build in your mind the picture of what could have been....

to treasure the traces of that single kiss that was never meant to be....

to dream.... to wait.... to hope.

Is it Love?"

(A beautiful poem,,,that I can relate too)

A Note a Beautiful Thing!

Without going into every detail, I had the best thing happen to me, yesterday. My eldest son, 21, just got home from a trip to Europe, for 5 weeks, long enough for him to have an epiphany ( so he called it). While away he wrote a letter, and gave it to me and his dad, the other night, but I was not allowed to read it until he left the house. He knew I would cry, and I did. The note was everything I ever hoped for, that my child would see that all his dad and I did during his life, was really for him. To grow up and be a caring, loving, resposible man. In his letter, he thanked us for being wonderful parents, not without our faults of course, but for being great parents. It seems, that all those rules, were not so bad after all. He thanked us for things such as, folded fresh laundry, suppers on the tables, rides at 5:oo am, for letting him make mistakes, and for giving him some freedom. He said he is the person he is today, because of all we did for him and allthe love we gave. There was much more, but you get the idea. I must admit it feels REALLY good to know , maybe I did something right as a MOM... now I only hope the other 3 feel the same......

Now what?

The wonderful weekend of hiking, laughing, eating, drinking and bonding,has come to an end. It was the best trip we have had, it was peaceful, beautiful and appreciated on so many levels. Now back home, the routines have begun again. Yesterday I found myself wondering what now? I even felt a little depressed, and out of place. I hate to say it but I didnt really miss my family all that much in the 3 nights I was gone. I am hoping that is normal and doesnt make me an awful Mom. My kids didnt really miss me either, I think they were glad to be alone with their dad. He is more fun of course, I am the one with all the crazy rules.

While my husband and I were walking , in the early morning today, I was telling him how I need to find something else to do in the Fall. I have no idea what, but I know I dont want to substitute teach, and that is what he thinks I should do. I find it very unfilling and I dont think I really want to be around more kids. I wish I knew what it was I need to do, I know I can not just stay home all day, it is very boring for me.. But I also do not want to work full time. I still need to keep this place organized and running smoothely, if only for my own sanity. I hope I figure it out,,,, I don't know why I am always searching for more, and I am not just content with the way things are.. I actually doubt I will ever have the answer to that question,,,,, so I will just keep searching and hope to find what I am looking for.