Sick of the weigh game!

Here is a post I found today.. I truly can relate to almost all of it.I think I need counselling...

I am sick of this
I am sick of my life being consumed with thoughts about my weight

I am sick of waking up in the middle of the night and my thoughts turning to how much I will weigh when I get up

I am sick of my weight loss controlling me

I am sick of constantly worrying about my weight

I am sick of never having clothes to wear

I am sick of trying to fit into the next item that I have stored away from when I was smaller

I am sick of comparing myself to every female I see

I am sick of never feeling good enough

I am sick of feeling ashamed of what my scale reads

I am sick of always looking forward to being smallerI am sick of all of this.

..

This has been my life for the last couple of years and all I can say is that I am sick of it all.

My Tears...

Today was a day I had lots of tears. Tears can mean many things. Today they meant fear, sadness, and joy. Justin is off to explore 5 countries ,in Europe , and when I dropped him off at the airport, I did what I told myself I wouldn't do--CRY. Justin hates to see me cry, he has always said that to me. So as I held him in my arms, or I should say he held me, after all he is a grown man, I cried. Not just a little tear, but full out crying, you know the kind, where your body shakes and your eyes are stinging and red. I cried because I will miss him, I cried because I will worry about him , so far away in a strange place, and I cried because I was so happy for him. I guess no matter how old they get, you still worry and have fears that something will go wrong. As I drove home, I thought about how lucky he is too. One of the things I wanted to do was go to Eurpoe and back pack, when I was out of high school. That never happened, because I had Justin that year. I am happy one of us gets to live that dream. I will miss him and pray he is safe and that he has the time of his life... Lucky kid..(man) .... love you...

This day can end NOW!!!

I feel like its been going on forever.. I am ready to go to bed now..... days like these feel like a total waste for me I could be doing so much more..like sleeping..... lol

Gloomy Day

Its a pretty gloomy day today, with the rain coming down and the sky just grey. The day kinda started like that just Bla. I didnt want to get up, I just wanted to lay in my big bed sprawled out from end to end. Mike is gone so sleeping is heaven, no snoring for a few nights , its glorious sleeping alone ..thats another post all in itself. So I am here at work, tired and uninspired and its so hot in here... I hope I dont get going on the ebay orVictoria Secret site, I could so some damage today! At least its already Wednesday..that is about the only thing I can say that is bringing a smile to my face today.......... BLA>>>>>>BLA>>>>BLA>>>>

Too much time on my hands today,,,

One of those days, Noone is buying Scrubs today so I have had lots of time ...well to do nothing.... kinda nice....lol.... Here is a pic I like... beautiful,,,,

This is from a husband who just lost his wife...

I belong to a MSN board , we all met on line, when we were PG with babies born in 2001. Recently one member , Katie, who was 30, died of cancer. Although I never met her physically, we conversed via the internet. This is a post on her Husbands Journal. She was taken from this earth very quickly and leaves 3 small children behind. It is very sad and I read this passage and learn a great deal from it, and hopefully bring these words into my own life.

"With every ending comes also a new beginning. With every disappointment comes a new opportunity for success.
With every mistake comes a new and valuable lesson to be learned. With every setback comes a new position from which to move forward.
With every frustration comes the energy to move to a higher level of achievement. With every challenge comes a new strategy for taking action.
With every time of darkness comes the chance to make a real difference by shining your own special light, Gods light. With every sadness comes a deeper appreciation for the joys that life can hold.
With every difficulty comes a new level of strength to be gained. With every loss comes an increased determination to win.
Though life has many pitfalls and problems, there is a positive side to every one of them. Choose to see and live that positive reality, and no problem will be a problem for long. "

Will I be a Gardener

Today on my walk, once again enjoying the sunshine on my cheeks, I passed a little old lady in her tiny garden. She was prepping the soil for the vegetables she was going to plant. She was a stout older lady,who looked like she was probably pretty tough in her day. Her husband was sitting in a chair, just watching. I guess he must be too ill to help. I stopped and just watched her dig up the dirt and walk back and forth to get the things she needed. Then I thought will that be me someday? Will I live in an adult community, gated, and have a little 10 by 10 plot to grow my own vegetables? Will a little plot of land, be the thing that keeps me getting up in the morning? Will the work that I do yeild the crop I want? Who knows, but somehow I can see that happening... I will always need something to do and something to be proud of..maybe it will be a little garden.. who knows?

Just a Great Image---- Mother and Child

I found this today and thought it was beautiful. Made me miss my sons as babies. Made me miss that feeling when a baby is tucked into your breast.. made me miss the little hands and feet... Reflection is good, healthy for my soul, but it does make me weepy all the same.

The unknown Man.... was just here

He walked by the store, stopped came in and started to talk .. He was talking about being postive and creating good memories.... Be around people who make you feel good, get rid of those that are like poison on the soul. He said .."do you want to get rich quick?" I said,"no not really" (thinking here comes the next part to this conversation trying to sell me something) .Then he said " get rich by counting your blessings and you are instantly rich." How true that is..... What an odd thing to happen to me out of the blue, I mean where did this guy come from and why did he choose to stop and chat with me for 15 minutes? Doesnt matter, really, it was interesting to listen to him.. and even more interesting to me , to discover I am rich in so many ways............. blessed I am.....

Simple Pleasures

I am at work today. my little part time job that makes me feel happy inside. I walked here today, in the glorious sunshine listening to my Ipod. It's funny how something so simple, like a walk in the sun,alone, can make you smile. I felt like I was 15 years old again, carefree and oblivious to the real world. The songs on my ipod actually made me sing outloud, I sure hope no passer bys were mortified by it, but to be honest I just didnt care. Now I am at work in a great mood and just enjoying the peace and quiet...

The Farmers Market... starting next week.,., Oh the memories

Oh Ya Beanies!!! Driving by the Arena today I realized that the Farmers Market starts next weekend. Which brought me back to some of the best memories and times I had on a Saturday. Selling Ty beanies with my Best Friend. Every Saturday morning we would get up at 5ish, meet at the arena set up, have a bacon and egger , then sell!! When we started this venture, a few , ok more than a few, people laughed at us. Well we showed them, it was probably the most money I have ever made in 4 hours. The best part , it was easy, and fun.. Sitting there with your best friend, getting caught up, and laughing our buts off.. maybe we even made fun of people walking back.., maybe... I remember feeling guilty taking the kids money. Some would come running over, with their zip lock baggy filled with change. They would smile and say, " I saved for 2 weeks so I can buy a beanie baby." Then Carrie and I would feel the guilt, reluctantly take the money, and say thank you... But for some reason when the morning ended, and we counted our earnings, that guilt faded ,,LOL.. We would smile, high five eachother and giggle. Ah it was fun!! I really miss those Saturdays but at least I have those memories. Yuu know I have started many little ventures since the TY days, but none have been nearly as fun, lucrative, or easy. It takes guts to take a chance .... "you miss 100% of the shots you never take" , Wayne Gretzky. I just love what he said because it's so true!! I am so glad we had our little business BEANIE FRIENDZIE, for 4 years!!!!!

Mothers Day and Baseball,,go together like ice cream and pie!!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO MY WONDERFUL MOM AND ALL MY SISTER AND FRIENDS!!! I know that Mother's day may be a little over done ,commercially , in our society., and for some mean absolutely nothing. I have never been one for celebrating "made up" holidays, but today I thought ,hmm if my family wants to make me feel special then I ought to take it! The homemade cards and magnets I love and cherish! That being said today is much like any other day, as I am just jetting to the baseball field, which will be my home for the next two months! I will flip burgers and smile at the kids, and encourage the team the best I can. It may not sound like a great Mother's day, but when I see my boys playing, and the enjoyment it brings them, I know its the only place I should be!!! So enjoy your day, anyway you can with your kids and be proud of yourself for the Mother you are!!! I challenge you today to write down three things that make you a great Mom, and reread it ,smile, and be proud!!!!!

My Lunch date.... My sister!!

She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child. ~Barbara Alpert


Lunch today with one of my 4 sisters, so relaxing , fun, and what my Oldest sister would say " Good times, Good times." I am so lucky to have 4 sisters. Each one of them are unique and special. I have connections with all of them, each one of them I cherish and love. Sisters are forever and I am blessed to have 4!!! Cheers to you my wonderful sisters!!!!!

I Liked this

Too cute!!!

Candy Bags

That was fun... The three boys and myself set up an assembly line to stuff candy bags, for the baseball tourny this weekend. Something so simple ,and it was fun ,, not even any fighting LOL.. I know it wont last especially since its raining. I give it about 30 minutes and someone will be crying, fighting or yelling... Thats when I will want to have wine but its only Thursday. I am supposed to wait til Friday..... hm we will see!!!

Why do I always feel like I should be doing something?

Today I am tired and cold and just want to sleep. My minds says "NO" you should be doing something, anything. I dont want to exercise, I am too sore, I dont want to clean, I did that yesterday, I dont want to bake, or even move. I wish I could just do nothing. But I have guilt! Staying at home makes me feel like that way. Since I dont work, well one day a week, then I should be doing something productive. Other people can relax, but it seems I have some issues with it. Even at my massages I am never relaxed, always thinking what do I have to do next. I need help!!! LOL...... have to run more later...