A Note a Beautiful Thing!

Without going into every detail, I had the best thing happen to me, yesterday. My eldest son, 21, just got home from a trip to Europe, for 5 weeks, long enough for him to have an epiphany ( so he called it). While away he wrote a letter, and gave it to me and his dad, the other night, but I was not allowed to read it until he left the house. He knew I would cry, and I did. The note was everything I ever hoped for, that my child would see that all his dad and I did during his life, was really for him. To grow up and be a caring, loving, resposible man. In his letter, he thanked us for being wonderful parents, not without our faults of course, but for being great parents. It seems, that all those rules, were not so bad after all. He thanked us for things such as, folded fresh laundry, suppers on the tables, rides at 5:oo am, for letting him make mistakes, and for giving him some freedom. He said he is the person he is today, because of all we did for him and allthe love we gave. There was much more, but you get the idea. I must admit it feels REALLY good to know , maybe I did something right as a MOM... now I only hope the other 3 feel the same......

Now what?

The wonderful weekend of hiking, laughing, eating, drinking and bonding,has come to an end. It was the best trip we have had, it was peaceful, beautiful and appreciated on so many levels. Now back home, the routines have begun again. Yesterday I found myself wondering what now? I even felt a little depressed, and out of place. I hate to say it but I didnt really miss my family all that much in the 3 nights I was gone. I am hoping that is normal and doesnt make me an awful Mom. My kids didnt really miss me either, I think they were glad to be alone with their dad. He is more fun of course, I am the one with all the crazy rules.

While my husband and I were walking , in the early morning today, I was telling him how I need to find something else to do in the Fall. I have no idea what, but I know I dont want to substitute teach, and that is what he thinks I should do. I find it very unfilling and I dont think I really want to be around more kids. I wish I knew what it was I need to do, I know I can not just stay home all day, it is very boring for me.. But I also do not want to work full time. I still need to keep this place organized and running smoothely, if only for my own sanity. I hope I figure it out,,,, I don't know why I am always searching for more, and I am not just content with the way things are.. I actually doubt I will ever have the answer to that question,,,,, so I will just keep searching and hope to find what I am looking for.

MY BEAUTIFUL BOYS ARE 12!

Happy Birthday to my very handsome and talented twins!! They are 12 today and it is hard to believe it.. it was not that long ago, I would cry in my closet because they were driving me nuts. I have not done that for years, thank goodness.... Funny when one of your children have a birthday how reflective the day is.. I feel kind of weepy today, 12 marks the very beginning of the teen years. The baby faces , that I love to squeeze, change , and so does the need for Mom... I hope they know how much I love them even when I am spazzing out,,,, They are truly amazing kids,,,,, Love you boys!!! xoxox MOM

New Shoes?

I am bored and that could mean trouble..Maybe a new pair of shoes? Maybe two? I hate being this bored..... 8 more sleeps....

Romance...?

Where the heck has the romance gone? Because I sure have not seen it in ages. I don't mean flowers and chocolate romance, although flowers are nice, especially when they are given to you on a Monday, just because it's Monday. I mean the little things, like a kiss here and there. Or a slight brush of his hand on my back, while doing the dishes. I am seeking words, kind words, like "you look cute today". Or even an "I love you" ,in the middle of the day, not just before bed. It would be shocking to have a night planned by him,and not by me,and not "Hey here is some wine, lets get it on!" I mean a night that may have taken some effort to plan. Geesh I have dresses , sexy dresses, that I have never worn, because you can't exactly wear them to wine nights, in your own home. Or maybe I should.

I know that after 17 years, things fade, but I don't think wanting to be noticed ever fades. I wish men could remember that, well mine anyway. I guess I will have to reach into my memory bank, and treasure the few things, he has done for me, which made me go "ga ga", it's all I have....

Status

I am reading a wondefrul book ,"Snow Flower and The Secret Fan", by Lisa See. It tells of the tale of a woman in early China, her life , and what what she had to endure. I have only begun the story but was completely oblivious to the way Chinese women obtained status, in their communities. I always knew of foot binding, but reading how it was done, made my stomach turn. The process was excrutiating, and one in 10 girls died, from infection. From the time a girl was born the mother would prepare for the foot binding, which usually occurred at the age of 6-8. The younger the better. The whole process took 2 years! I wont go into details, but I can assure you , I doubt I would have survived it. The woman with the smallest and most dainty feet, were the prized possessions. Even if you were from a lower social family, if your feet were binded correctly and the end result was perfection, then your families status would rise, because you would be married to someone important. Even before the girls are bound, they are looked over, by a Diviner, to see if their feet will be worthy. If they are then the family must prepare for this, by saving for the dowry, remember the girls are 6.

The girls are taught basic principals to Live by ." WHEN A GIRL OBEY YOUR FATHER; WHEN A WIFE, OBEY YOUR HUSBAND; WHEN A WIDOW OBEY YOUR SON. BE CHASTE, AND YEILDING, CALM AND UPRIGHT IN ATTITUDE; BE QUIET AND AGGREEABLE IN WORDS; BE RESTRAINED AND EXQUISTITE IN MOVEMENT; BE PERFECT In HANDIWORK AND EMBROIDERY.. Live by these principals and you will grow to be a virtuous woman.



The book has made me realize how far women have come , but also made me sensitive to how woman have achieved independence. It is because of all the suffering from the woman before us, we are able to stand on our own two feet.

This book is very good and I recommend it to anyone who likes history, and a good story of friendship, and hardships......

My Foster Child...

Today my foster child, who I have had for over 7 years, sent me a letter today. Him and his family wrote to me and told me they loved me. They said that they were so excited to receive the little gifts and pictures I sent them at Xmas. They were so grateful for key chains, books, and crayons. I actually cried when I read their letter because we take for granted all the things we have , which make our life easier. This family, who lives in Brazil, doesn't even have a toilet. I will continue to be a Foster Parent, because I do believe I am making a difference ,in this families life.